How to Handle Being Bullied by a Coworker

What counts as bullying at work

It helps to name the thing precisely. Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived imbalance of power and is repeated, or likely to be repeated, over time 1Ref 1U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (StopBullying.gov) (2024).Facts About Bullying.Bullying is unwanted aggressive behavior involving a real or perceived power imbalance that is repeated or likely to be repeated over time.. At work that imbalance can come from seniority, social standing on the team, control over your assignments, or simply a louder, more aggressive style.

Workplace bullying often looks less like obvious yelling and more like a pattern: persistent criticism that targets you specifically, being deliberately excluded from meetings or information you need, having your work sabotaged or taken credit for, public humiliation, or constant moving of the goalposts so nothing you do is enough. A single rude comment on a bad day is not bullying; a *repeated* pattern with a power imbalance behind it is 1Ref 1U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (StopBullying.gov) (2024).Facts About Bullying.Bullying is unwanted aggressive behavior involving a real or perceived power imbalance that is repeated or likely to be repeated over time.. If the behavior is also based on a protected characteristic (race, sex, religion, age, disability, and others), it may legally cross into harassment, which many workplaces and laws treat more strictly than general incivility.

Why it matters to take it seriously

Being targeted repeatedly is not something you should expect to simply tough out. Sustained bullying is linked to higher rates of depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties, and trouble concentrating, and these effects can persist well beyond the situation that caused them 2Ref 2U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (StopBullying.gov) (2024).Effects of Bullying (Long-Term Effects).Those who are bullied are at increased risk for depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties, and lower functioning, with effects that can persist into adulthood.. In its most serious forms, bullying victimization has been associated with elevated risk of suicidal thoughts 3Ref 3Hinduja S, Patchin JW (2010).Bullying, Cyberbullying, and Suicide.Bullying victimization is associated with significantly elevated risk of suicidal ideation.. None of that means something is wrong with you for being affected; it means the mistreatment is real and the stress response to it is normal.

Taking it seriously early also tends to work better. Mistreatment is reduced most effectively when it is named and responded to quickly and consistently rather than tolerated, because a fast, clear response signals that the behavior is unacceptable 4Ref 4U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (StopBullying.gov) (2024).How to Prevent Bullying.Bullying is reduced most effectively when the community responds quickly and consistently, signaling that the behavior is unacceptable.. The sooner a pattern is documented and surfaced, the easier it is for someone with authority to act on it.

Concrete steps you can take

Document everything, specifically. Keep a private record outside work systems: date, time, what was said or done, who was present, and the impact. Concrete, dated examples are far more actionable than a general sense that someone is 'difficult.' Save emails, messages, and screenshots.

Name the behavior in the moment when it is safe to do so. A calm, factual line can interrupt a pattern: 'Please don't speak to me that way,' or 'I'd like to be included on that thread going forward.' You are stating a boundary, not arguing about character.

Limit one-on-one exposure. Where you can, move conversations to email or group settings so there is a record and a witness. This is not paranoia; it is reducing the unobserved opportunities where bullying tends to happen.

Escalate with your record. Bring specific, documented incidents to your manager or HR, and ask in writing what the next steps are. Frame it around behavior and its effect on your work, and request follow-up. If your manager is the source of the problem, go to HR or that manager's manager.

Know your protections. Review your employee handbook's policies on conduct, harassment, and retaliation, and keep copies. If the conduct may be unlawful harassment, you may have additional avenues through your HR department or external bodies.

Protecting your well-being

Handling a bully is not only a logistical problem; it is a stress-management one. Repeated mistreatment can erode sleep, focus, and mood over time 2Ref 2U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (StopBullying.gov) (2024).Effects of Bullying (Long-Term Effects).Those who are bullied are at increased risk for depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties, and lower functioning, with effects that can persist into adulthood., so guard the basics: predictable rest, movement, and time genuinely off the clock. Lean on people you trust outside the situation, both for reality-checking ('no, that wasn't reasonable') and for plain support.

It also helps to separate what you can control from what you cannot. You cannot make a difficult colleague kind, but you can control your documentation, your boundaries, who you involve, and how much you rebuild your life outside the conflict. If the situation does not improve after escalation, it is reasonable to consider whether the role is worth staying in. Leaving a harmful environment is not a failure to cope.

When a clinician helps

If the stress is following you home — disrupted sleep, persistent anxiety or low mood, dread before work, or trouble concentrating — talking with a behavioral-health clinician is a reasonable next step, and it does not require you to first prove the situation is 'bad enough.' A clinician can use validated screening tools for depression and anxiety to gauge how much the situation is affecting you and to track whether it is improving, and can help rule out other contributors to low mood or fatigue rather than assuming the workplace is the only factor.

They can also teach evidence-based, practical skills. Cognitive behavioral therapy approaches help you respond to a hostile colleague without absorbing their framing of you, manage the anxiety that builds before interactions, and hold boundaries under pressure — skills with strong support in the treatment of anxiety 5Ref 5Kendall PC, Hudson JL, Gosch E, Flannery-Schroeder E, Suveg C (2008).Cognitive-behavioral therapy for anxiety disordered youth: a randomized clinical trial evaluating child and family modalities.Cognitive behavioral therapy is an empirically supported treatment superior to active control for anxiety.. A clinician can also help you think through workplace coordination, such as how to document and communicate with HR, and whether and how to involve your employer's resources. Where mood or anxiety symptoms are significant, they can discuss whether treatment, including medication when indicated, would help. If you ever notice thoughts of not wanting to be here, that is a reason to reach out for help promptly rather than waiting 3Ref 3Hinduja S, Patchin JW (2010).Bullying, Cyberbullying, and Suicide.Bullying victimization is associated with significantly elevated risk of suicidal ideation..