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Mental health

How to Handle a Bully at School

Bullying is repeated, intentional harm involving a power imbalance, and it is not your fault. Stay safe in the moment, document what happens, and tell a trusted adult who can act through the school.

Talk to a clinician

Daniel Okafor, LPC — therapist

Adolescent recovery from bullying, anxiety and low mood, CBT, safety planning, and school coordination. Gale can match you with a licensed clinician for a visit.

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What counts as bullying

Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance and is repeated, or likely to be repeated, over time 1. It can be physical, verbal, social (spreading rumors, leaving you out on purpose), or electronic, and cyberbullying through texts or social media counts just as much as anything in the hallway 2. Naming it matters: a one-time conflict between equals is different from a pattern of someone with more power targeting you again and again. If that pattern fits, this is bullying, and it is a recognized form of harm, not normal kid stuff you have to absorb.

In the moment: stay safe

Your first job is your own safety, not winning the exchange. When you can, calmly leave the situation and move toward people or an adult. Trying to fight back physically often raises the danger and can get you in trouble too. If you can do it without escalating, a flat, unbothered "stop" and then walking away gives the bully less of the reaction they are looking for. None of this means you are weak; it means you are choosing not to hand them the moment.

Document it and tell an adult

Keep a record. Save screenshots of messages, note dates, times, places, and who was there, and do not delete cyberbullying even though you may want to, because it is evidence. Then tell a trusted adult: a parent, teacher, school counselor, or coach. Telling is not snitching; it is how the people with the power to act find out there is a problem. Schools are most effective at stopping bullying when the whole community responds quickly and consistently and makes clear it is unacceptable, and that response usually starts because someone reported it 3.

Why bullying is worth taking seriously

Being bullied can do real harm. It is linked to higher rates of depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties, and lower performance at school, and those effects can linger if no one steps in 4. Both in-person and online bullying are also associated with greater risk of thoughts of self-harm, which is one reason it is never something to just wait out alone 5. If you take only one thing from this: the goal is to get safe and get support, not to handle a serious problem entirely by yourself.

When a clinician helps

If bullying has been wearing on you, feeling low, anxious, dreading or avoiding school, trouble sleeping, a counselor or therapist can help you recover, not just endure it. A clinician can use brief validated questionnaires to check for depression or anxiety that bullying can set off 4, and teach evidence-based cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) skills for managing the fear and self-blame that often come with it, an approach well supported for anxious youth 6. They can also coordinate with the school so the safety plan is real and avoiding school does not become its own problem 7. And because bullying carries elevated risk for thoughts of self-harm, a clinician offers a safe place to say so out loud and get help fast 5.

Common questions

Is telling an adult just snitching?

No. Reporting bullying is how the people who can actually stop it find out it is happening. Bullying tends to stop when the whole school responds, and that almost always starts with someone speaking up.

Should I just fight back?

Fighting back physically usually raises the danger and can get you in trouble too. Staying safe, walking toward an adult, and documenting what happened protects you better than trading blows.

Does cyberbullying really count?

Yes. Bullying through texts, social media, or apps is a recognized form of bullying and can be just as harmful. Save the messages as evidence rather than deleting them.

Talk to a clinician

Daniel Okafor, LPC — therapist

Adolescent recovery from bullying, anxiety and low mood, CBT, safety planning, and school coordination. Gale can match you with a licensed clinician for a visit.

Find care →

Get help right away if

  • —You feel physically unsafe or are being threatened with harm
  • —You are dreading or avoiding school most days
  • —Your mood, sleep, or appetite have changed for weeks
  • —You have any thoughts of hurting yourself

If you are in immediate danger or having thoughts of hurting yourself, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), text HOME to 741741, or call 911.

This article is general education, not a diagnosis or a substitute for care from a qualified professional.

References

  1. 1.U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (StopBullying.gov) (2024). Facts About Bullying. StopBullying.gov (HHS). link ✓Bullying is unwanted aggressive behavior involving a power imbalance that is repeated or likely to repeat.
  2. 2.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2024). About Bullying (Youth Violence Prevention). CDC. link ✓Bullying, including electronic/cyberbullying, is a form of youth violence harming those bullied, those who bully, and bystanders.
  3. 3.U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (StopBullying.gov) (2024). How to Prevent Bullying. StopBullying.gov (HHS). link ✓Bullying prevention works best when the whole school community responds quickly and consistently.
  4. 4.U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (StopBullying.gov) (2024). Effects of Bullying (Long-Term Effects). StopBullying.gov (HHS). link ✓Children who are bullied are at increased risk for depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties, and lower academic achievement.
  5. 5.Hinduja S, Patchin JW (2010). Bullying, Cyberbullying, and Suicide. Archives of Suicide Research. doi:10.1080/13811118.2010.494133 ✓Traditional and cyberbullying victimization are associated with elevated risk of suicidal ideation in adolescents.
  6. 6.Kendall PC, Hudson JL, Gosch E, Flannery-Schroeder E, Suveg C (2008). Cognitive-behavioral therapy for anxiety disordered youth: a randomized clinical trial evaluating child and family modalities. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. doi:10.1037/0022-006X.76.2.282 ✓CBT is an empirically supported treatment for anxiety in youth.
  7. 7.Di Vincenzo C, Pontillo M, Bellantoni D, Di Luzio M, Lala MR, Villa M, Demaria F, Vicari S (2024). School refusal behavior in children and adolescents: a five-year narrative review of clinical significance and psychopathological profiles. Italian Journal of Pediatrics. doi:10.1186/s13052-024-01667-0 ✓School avoidance/refusal co-occurs with anxiety and low mood and harms functioning if untreated.

7 sources, numbered by first appearance. General health information, not medical advice — synthetic demonstration content.