When Bullying Leads to Thoughts of Not Wanting to Live

Take it seriously and stay close right now

When a teen who is being bullied starts saying they don't want to live, that is a signal to act — not wait. Statements about not wanting to be here, feeling like a burden, or that others would be better off without them are recognized warning signs that warrant prompt help-seeking 3Ref 3National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) (2024).Warning Signs of Suicide.Behavioral and emotional warning signs of suicide that should prompt help-seeking and crisis-line contact.. Suicide is a leading cause of death among adolescents, which is why these words deserve a calm, immediate response rather than reassurance that it's "just a phase" 4Ref 4Shain B; AAP Committee on Adolescence (2016).Suicide and Suicide Attempts in Adolescents.Suicide is a leading cause of death among older adolescents, supporting urgent response to warning signs in teens..

Stay with your teen. If they are in immediate danger of hurting themselves, do not leave them alone, and call 911.

Ask directly and listen

It can feel frightening to say the word, but asking a young person directly whether they are thinking about suicide does not increase risk — it can lower it by letting them know it's safe to be honest 1Ref 1National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) (2024).5 Action Steps to Help Someone Having Thoughts of Suicide (Ask, Be There, Keep Them Safe, Help Them Connect, Follow Up).Evidence-informed action steps for helping someone at risk — ask, be there, keep them safe, help them connect, follow up — and that asking about suicide does not increase risk.. Try a plain question: "Are you thinking about killing yourself?" or "When you say you don't want to live, are you thinking about ending your life?"

Then listen without arguing, judging, or rushing to fix it. Let them know you hear how much pain the bullying has caused and that you are not going anywhere. Being there and helping them feel connected are recognized, evidence-informed steps in supporting someone at risk 1Ref 1National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) (2024).5 Action Steps to Help Someone Having Thoughts of Suicide (Ask, Be There, Keep Them Safe, Help Them Connect, Follow Up).Evidence-informed action steps for helping someone at risk — ask, be there, keep them safe, help them connect, follow up — and that asking about suicide does not increase risk..

Make the moment safer

While you stay with your teen, reduce access to anything they could use to hurt themselves. Securing or removing lethal means — especially firearms, but also medications and other dangerous items — is one of the most effective ways to keep a person safe during an acute crisis 5Ref 5Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, Means Matter (2024).Lethal Means Counseling.Reducing access to lethal means, especially firearms, is an evidence-based suicide-prevention strategy.. Lock medications away, and if there is a firearm in the home, store it outside the home or locked and separated from ammunition until things are stable 5Ref 5Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, Means Matter (2024).Lethal Means Counseling.Reducing access to lethal means, especially firearms, is an evidence-based suicide-prevention strategy..

Keeping them safe in the moment buys time for the intense feelings to pass and for help to arrive 1Ref 1National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) (2024).5 Action Steps to Help Someone Having Thoughts of Suicide (Ask, Be There, Keep Them Safe, Help Them Connect, Follow Up).Evidence-informed action steps for helping someone at risk — ask, be there, keep them safe, help them connect, follow up — and that asking about suicide does not increase risk..

Reach 24/7 crisis help

You do not have to handle this alone. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is free, confidential, and available 24/7 by call, text, or chat, connecting you to trained counselors through a national network of local crisis centers 2Ref 2Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) (2024).988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.988 provides free, confidential, 24/7 call/text/chat crisis support through a national network of 200+ local crisis centers.. You can reach out for your teen or with your teen — 988 also helps worried parents and caregivers.

• Call or text 988 any time, day or night 2Ref 2Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) (2024).988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.988 provides free, confidential, 24/7 call/text/chat crisis support through a national network of 200+ local crisis centers..
• Text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.
• Call 911 if your teen is in immediate physical danger or has harmed themselves.

Counselors can help you think through the next safe step, whether that's staying on the line, going to an emergency room, or arranging an urgent evaluation 2Ref 2Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) (2024).988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.988 provides free, confidential, 24/7 call/text/chat crisis support through a national network of 200+ local crisis centers..

When a clinician helps

Once the immediate crisis is stabilized, a mental health clinician becomes an important partner. A clinician can use validated tools — such as the C-SSRS or the ASQ for youth — to assess how serious the risk is and what level of care is needed 6Ref 6Posner K, Brown GK, Stanley B, Brent DA, Yershova KV, Oquendo MA, Currier GW, Melvin GA, Greenhill L, Shen S, Mann JJ (2011).The Columbia-Suicide Severity Rating Scale: Initial Validity and Internal Consistency Findings From Three Multisite Studies With Adolescents and Adults.The C-SSRS is a validated measure of suicidal ideation severity and behavior in adolescents and adults.. They can build a collaborative safety plan, an evidence-informed best practice that gives your teen concrete steps and contacts to use when thoughts return 7Ref 7Stanley B, Brown GK (2012).Safety Planning Intervention: A Brief Intervention to Mitigate Suicide Risk.The Safety Planning Intervention is a brief, collaborative, evidence-informed best practice for mitigating acute suicidal crises..

A clinician can also coordinate with the school to stop the bullying and protect your teen, connect your family to evidence-based treatment, and arrange follow-up so no one slips through the cracks 8Ref 8Shaffer D, Pfeffer CR; AACAP Work Group on Quality Issues (2001).Practice Parameter for the Assessment and Treatment of Children and Adolescents With Suicidal Behavior.AACAP practice parameter detailing assessment, emergency management, and prevention strategies for suicidal youth.. After a crisis, ongoing professional support and follow-up are part of keeping a young person safe over time 1Ref 1National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) (2024).5 Action Steps to Help Someone Having Thoughts of Suicide (Ask, Be There, Keep Them Safe, Help Them Connect, Follow Up).Evidence-informed action steps for helping someone at risk — ask, be there, keep them safe, help them connect, follow up — and that asking about suicide does not increase risk..