Child mental health

Ways to Help a Child Remember Someone Who Died

Helping a child remember a loved one — through stories, photos, a memory box, or small rituals — supports healthy grief rather than holding a child back. Children grieve in waves and over years, so age-appropriate, repeatable ways to stay connected give comfort, continuity, and permission to keep loving someone who is gone.

Last updated: July 2026History

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Why remembering helps grieving children

Remembering a loved one is not the same as being stuck. Children grieve differently by developmental stage and revisit a loss as they grow and understand more about death 1Ref 1The Dougy Center: The National Grief Center for Children & Families (2022).Developmental Responses to Grief (Ages 2-18).Children grieve differently by developmental stage; ages 2-4 brief but intense responses.. Keeping the person present in age-appropriate ways gives a child language for their feelings and reassurance that love continues even after death. Honest, ongoing communication and steady support are core to helping a grieving child, and remembrance activities are a gentle, concrete way to provide both 2Ref 2Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) (2025).Tip Sheet: How to Support a Child Through Grief.Honest age-appropriate communication and maintaining routine support a grieving child..

Memory-keeping ideas by age

Younger children (around two to four) understand death concretely and in brief, intense bursts, so simple, tangible keepsakes work well — a photo by the bed, a worn t-shirt to hug, or naming the person in everyday moments 1Ref 1The Dougy Center: The National Grief Center for Children & Families (2022).Developmental Responses to Grief (Ages 2-18).Children grieve differently by developmental stage; ages 2-4 brief but intense responses.. Children who are beginning to grasp that death is permanent (roughly five to seven) can enjoy more active projects: a memory box, a drawing or letter to the person, or a small photo album they help assemble 3Ref 3American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) (2018).Children and Grief (Facts for Families No. 8).Preschoolers view death as temporary; children 5-9 think about death more like adults.4Ref 4Speece MW, Brent SB (1984).Children's Understanding of Death: A Review of Three Components of a Death Concept.Between five and seven most children achieve a mature concept of death.. School-age children may want to write stories, plant something, or take part in choosing how the family marks important dates 3Ref 3American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) (2018).Children and Grief (Facts for Families No. 8).Preschoolers view death as temporary; children 5-9 think about death more like adults..

Simple rituals and shared remembering

Small, repeatable rituals give grief a place to live. Lighting a candle at dinner on the person's birthday, cooking a favorite recipe, visiting a meaningful spot, or sharing one story at bedtime can become comforting touchstones. Maintaining routine and honest, age-appropriate communication are recommended pillars of support, and rituals weave remembrance into that routine 2Ref 2Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) (2025).Tip Sheet: How to Support a Child Through Grief.Honest age-appropriate communication and maintaining routine support a grieving child.. Let your child help shape the ritual — a sense of choice and participation often matters more to children than the specific activity.

Following your child's lead

Children dip in and out of grief, sometimes crying one minute and playing the next, which is healthy. Offer memory activities as invitations, not obligations, and be ready to pause if your child isn't interested that day. Expect that interest may resurface around anniversaries, holidays, or developmental milestones, when a child re-understands the loss with a more mature concept of death 4Ref 4Speece MW, Brent SB (1984).Children's Understanding of Death: A Review of Three Components of a Death Concept.Between five and seven most children achieve a mature concept of death.. Following your child's pace keeps remembrance comforting rather than pressured.

When remembering becomes painful

Memory-keeping is something most families can do on their own, but a clinician can add value if grief seems to stall or remembering becomes painful rather than comforting. A child therapist or pediatrician can help you tailor remembrance activities to your child's developmental stage, distinguish healthy continuing connection from prolonged grief disorder — which affects roughly one in ten bereaved youth and can impair daily life — and rule out depression or trauma that may be complicating the grief 5Ref 5Schonfeld DJ, Demaria T, Nasir A, Kumar S; AAP Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health and Council on Children and Disasters (2024).Supporting the Grieving Child and Family (Clinical Report).Pediatricians use a family-centered, trauma-informed approach to support grieving children.6Ref 6van Dijk I, Boelen PA, de Keijser J, Lenferink LIM (2023).Assessing DSM-5-TR and ICD-11 Prolonged Grief Disorder in Children and Adolescents: Development of the Traumatic Grief Inventory – Kids – Clinician-Administered.About 10% of bereaved youth develop prolonged grief disorder.. When grief is prolonged or impairing, grief-focused therapies have strong evidence and can help a child both honor the person and re-engage with life 7Ref 7Boelen PA, Lenferink LIM, Spuij M (2021).CBT for Prolonged Grief in Children and Adolescents: A Randomized Clinical Trial.Grief-focused CBT reduced prolonged grief, depression, and PTSD in bereaved children.. Your pediatrician can also point you to community bereavement resources and coordinate with school.

Common questions

Usually not. Age-appropriate remembering gives children language and comfort and signals that their feelings are welcome. Avoiding the topic can leave a child feeling alone with their grief 2Ref 2Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) (2025).Tip Sheet: How to Support a Child Through Grief.Honest age-appropriate communication and maintaining routine support a grieving child..

A simple memory box or a special photo your child can keep nearby works well. Naming the person warmly in everyday moments also helps a young child feel the connection continues 1Ref 1The Dougy Center: The National Grief Center for Children & Families (2022).Developmental Responses to Grief (Ages 2-18).Children grieve differently by developmental stage; ages 2-4 brief but intense responses..

Yes. Children grieve in waves and revisit a loss as they grow and understand more. Renewed sadness around anniversaries or milestones is a normal part of healthy grief 1Ref 1The Dougy Center: The National Grief Center for Children & Families (2022).Developmental Responses to Grief (Ages 2-18).Children grieve differently by developmental stage; ages 2-4 brief but intense responses.4Ref 4Speece MW, Brent SB (1984).Children's Understanding of Death: A Review of Three Components of a Death Concept.Between five and seven most children achieve a mature concept of death..

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A behavioral-health clinician

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When to seek extra support

—Remembering consistently causes distress rather than any comfort over time
—Persistent inability to accept the death or intense yearning that doesn't ease
—Grief that blocks play, friendships, or school for weeks
—Signs of depression, withdrawal, or trauma alongside the grief

This article is educational and is not a diagnosis or a substitute for personalized care. If your child's grief seems stuck or overwhelming, talk with your pediatrician or a licensed child mental health clinician.

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References

1.The Dougy Center: The National Grief Center for Children & Families (2022). Developmental Responses to Grief (Ages 2-18). The Dougy Center. link ✓Children grieve differently by developmental stage; ages 2-4 brief but intense responses.
2.Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) (2025). Tip Sheet: How to Support a Child Through Grief. SAMHSA Library (PEP25-01-004). link ✓Honest age-appropriate communication and maintaining routine support a grieving child.
3.American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) (2018). Children and Grief (Facts for Families No. 8). AACAP Facts for Families. link ✓Preschoolers view death as temporary; children 5-9 think about death more like adults.
4.Speece MW, Brent SB (1984). Children's Understanding of Death: A Review of Three Components of a Death Concept. Child Development, 55(5), 1671-1686. doi:10.2307/1129915 ✓Between five and seven most children achieve a mature concept of death.
5.Schonfeld DJ, Demaria T, Nasir A, Kumar S; AAP Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health and Council on Children and Disasters (2024). Supporting the Grieving Child and Family (Clinical Report). Pediatrics. doi:10.1542/peds.2024-067212 ✓Pediatricians use a family-centered, trauma-informed approach to support grieving children.
6.van Dijk I, Boelen PA, de Keijser J, Lenferink LIM (2023). Assessing DSM-5-TR and ICD-11 Prolonged Grief Disorder in Children and Adolescents: Development of the Traumatic Grief Inventory – Kids – Clinician-Administered. European Journal of Psychotraumatology, 14(2), 2197697. doi:10.1080/20008066.2023.2197697 ✓About 10% of bereaved youth develop prolonged grief disorder.
7.Boelen PA, Lenferink LIM, Spuij M (2021). CBT for Prolonged Grief in Children and Adolescents: A Randomized Clinical Trial. American Journal of Psychiatry, 178(4), 294-304. doi:10.1176/appi.ajp.2020.20050548 ✓Grief-focused CBT reduced prolonged grief, depression, and PTSD in bereaved children.

7 sources, numbered by first appearance. General health information, not medical advice. AI-assisted editorial content — every citation independently verified. Editorial policy

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