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pediatric-behavioral

Helping Your Child Heal After Bullying

Start by listening and believing your child, making clear the bullying was not their fault. Steady routines, partner with the school, and seek help if anxiety, sadness, or school avoidance lingers.

Talk to a clinician

Dr. Lena Ortiz, PsyD — Child Psychologist

CBT for childhood anxiety and post-bullying distress, validated screening, and school re-entry coordination. Gale can match you with a licensed clinician for a visit.

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First, listen and believe

Bullying is unwanted aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance and is repeated, or likely to be repeated, over time 1. That repetition is part of why it wears on a child — and why your first job is simply to listen. Let your child describe what happened at their own pace, without interrupting to problem-solve. Thank them for telling you, and say plainly that what happened was not their fault and that you are glad they came to you. Children who feel believed are far more likely to keep talking, which is exactly what you want over the coming weeks.

Why bullying lingers in the body and mind

Bullying — including electronic or cyberbullying — is a recognized form of youth violence that can harm the child who is targeted, the child who bullies, and even bystanders 2. Children who are bullied are at increased risk for depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties, and lower academic achievement, and these effects can sometimes persist over time 3. Knowing this is not meant to alarm you; it is meant to explain why your child may seem more clingy, irritable, tired, or reluctant to go to school. These are understandable reactions to a real stress, not signs of weakness.

Steady the day, rebuild confidence

Predictable routines — meals, sleep, and time together — give a shaken child something solid to stand on. Protect sleep especially, since bullying often disrupts it 3. Help your child reconnect with activities and friendships where they feel capable and liked; competence in one area buffers the sting of being targeted in another. Resist the urge to take over every interaction. Instead, coach small, doable steps ("What could you say if it happens again?") so your child rebuilds a sense of agency alongside your support.

Partner with the school

Bullying prevention works best when the whole school community responds quickly and consistently, signaling that bullying is unacceptable 4. Document what your child reports — dates, places, who was involved — and request a calm meeting with a teacher, counselor, or administrator. Ask what supervision and follow-up the school can put in place, and frame it as a shared problem to solve rather than a blame session. A coordinated adult response, at home and at school, is one of the most protective things a child can experience.

When a clinician helps

If your child's anxiety, sadness, sleep trouble, or avoidance of school continues for more than a couple of weeks, or deepens, a behavioral-health clinician can help. A clinician can use validated screening tools to sort everyday distress from depression or an anxiety disorder, and rule out other contributors. Evidence-based talk therapy — particularly cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) — is well supported for childhood anxiety, with both individual and family formats shown to outperform control conditions 5. A clinician can also coordinate with the school on accommodations and re-entry, and address school refusal early, since avoidance left untreated can compromise a child's functioning and co-occur with anxiety or depression 6. Targeted, time-limited support like this often shortens the recovery.

Common questions

My child doesn't want to talk about it. Should I push?

Don't force a full account. Stay available, keep routines warm, and offer openings ("I'm here whenever you want to talk"). Many kids open up sideways — during a drive or while doing something together — rather than in a sit-down conversation.

Should I contact the other child's parents myself?

Usually it's better to route through the school first. School staff can respond consistently across the whole community, which works better than parent-to-parent confrontations that can escalate [4].

How do I know if this is affecting my child more seriously?

Watch for lasting changes — ongoing sadness, anxiety, poor sleep, dropping grades, or refusing school. Bullied children are at higher risk for these, and if they persist beyond a couple of weeks, a clinician can help [3].

Talk to a clinician

Dr. Lena Ortiz, PsyD — Child Psychologist

CBT for childhood anxiety and post-bullying distress, validated screening, and school re-entry coordination. Gale can match you with a licensed clinician for a visit.

Find care →

When to seek help sooner

  • —Persistent sadness, hopelessness, or loss of interest lasting more than two weeks
  • —Ongoing refusal to go to school or repeated unexplained physical complaints
  • —New sleep problems, appetite changes, or withdrawal from friends and activities
  • —Any talk of self-harm, not wanting to be here, or wishing to disappear

If your child talks about suicide or self-harm or you fear for their immediate safety, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or call 911.

This article is general educational information and is not a substitute for personalized advice from your child's clinician.

References

  1. 1.U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (StopBullying.gov) (2024). Facts About Bullying. StopBullying.gov (HHS). link ✓Bullying is unwanted aggressive behavior involving a real or perceived power imbalance that is repeated or likely repeated over time.
  2. 2.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2024). About Bullying (Youth Violence Prevention). CDC. link ✓Bullying, including cyberbullying, is a form of youth violence that can harm those bullied, those who bully, and bystanders.
  3. 3.U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (StopBullying.gov) (2024). Effects of Bullying (Long-Term Effects). StopBullying.gov (HHS). link ✓Children who are bullied are at increased risk for depression, anxiety, sleep difficulties, and lower academic achievement.
  4. 4.U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (StopBullying.gov) (2024). How to Prevent Bullying. StopBullying.gov (HHS). link ✓Bullying prevention works best when the whole school community responds quickly and consistently.
  5. 5.Kendall PC, Hudson JL, Gosch E, Flannery-Schroeder E, Suveg C (2008). Cognitive-behavioral therapy for anxiety disordered youth: a randomized clinical trial evaluating child and family modalities. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. doi:10.1037/0022-006X.76.2.282 ✓Individual and family CBT are empirically supported treatments superior to control for childhood anxiety.
  6. 6.Di Vincenzo C, Pontillo M, Bellantoni D, Di Luzio M, Lala MR, Villa M, Demaria F, Vicari S (2024). School refusal behavior in children and adolescents: a five-year narrative review of clinical significance and psychopathological profiles. Italian Journal of Pediatrics. doi:10.1186/s13052-024-01667-0 ✓School refusal commonly co-occurs with anxiety and depression and compromises functioning if untreated.

6 sources, numbered by first appearance. General health information, not medical advice — synthetic demonstration content.